Breaking New Ground

Lately I have been captivated by farmland.  I could sit and stare at it for hours.  Walk across it’s uneven soil for days.  There is a calm and a comfort that comes over me.  

In a season when I need perspective to water my dry ground, this land is speaking without saying a word. Inviting me to see something beyond what I can see now.  

In the breaking we feel vulnerable.  Our initial response is we want to fix it.  We try to hide it and cover it up. We want to not be broken.  We want to feel put together, not scattered in a million pieces.

But what if in being broken and scattered we awake to new life, and give life to those around us?

Not everything broken needs our fixing.

We are never broken just for the sake of being broken.

How is this season uncovering us, unburying us, unearthing us?

I’ve been asking myself this question, as I continue to see parts of my true self emerge, but parts of me that still tend to shy away from being seen.  My mental illness for one, has the potential to bury me almost everyday.  But I am choosing daily to bring that part of me into the light, and no longer live in shame.  It is a process, one step at a time.  

I had made (for the first time ever) my own Wellness Recovery Action Plan for this past Winter.  Winter tends to be more difficult for my mental health and I wanted to be prepared. It helped me tremendously, and though it was still challenging at times, I made it through winter.  And then came a pandemic, that I was not prepared for.  I reached out to my people for help, and continued to lean into the rhythms I had built into my life, and started new ones (like staring at farmland 😉 ).  There have been some extremely difficult days, but as I’ve continued to show up, God has met me with more grace than I could ever imagine.  

This season has allowed more time for conversations, about things that truly matter.  These conversations have been uncovering our passions and vision for the future.  Though we can’t see the way forward right now, we know The Way, and daily lean ourselves into the gentle guidance of His Holy Spirit.

I am someone who doesn’t like conflict, but in learning my way around this pandemic, there has been plenty of room for uncomfortable conversations.  I have felt the pull to want to run away and bury my head in the sand or better yet just go back to bed and pull the covers over my head.  I continue to see my desperate need to acknowledge my feelings of hurt, fear, shame, etc. in the presence of Jesus.  There I  am loved, encouraged, and strengthened to face whatever is in front of me, and I am reminded I don’t have to face it alone.  Showing up to these hard conversations is unearthing truth, and bringing healing and freedom.

What tends to bury us, the real us?

-fear

-hurt

-shame

-an illness/diagnosis

-our schedules, busyness

-our independence

-_____________________(fill in the blank)

Why are the best parts of us often hidden or buried underneath a protective covering?

What earth has needed to be removed in our lives in this season?  What has been covering up the real us, and who we are created to be?

We are in a time in history of global suffering, global grief.  No one has been untouched by this pandemic in some way.  

Suffering has a way of uncovering our true selves.  Revealing and loosening whatever we have gripped in our hands. It has a way of shaking us up and shaking things loose that need to fall away.

I’m reminded that when everything appears shut down on the outside, you are doing something new and good on the inside.

How can it be good if it doesn’t look good or feel good?

“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10

When we are asked to be still and wait.

When the earth is broken open and seeds are planted the waiting begins.  It takes time for those seeds to take root and grow.  

Same in the soil of our hearts.

What if in this season, God is breaking new ground in the soil of our hearts? 

Scattering the seeds of His Kingdom of LOVE come,

His will of LOVING Him with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strengths,

AND LOVING others as ourselves be done on earth as it is in Heaven.

I believe God is uncovering things in this season that have been hidden or buried, and I believe He is sowing seeds for a later harvest.  The breaking and the sowing can feel like death but God continues to remind me that it is bringing about much more life!