Hope on the Horizon

I’m not going to lie, this time of year is especially difficult for me. My energy is extremely low, which can wreak havoc in my mind. I can feel like a car with a dead battery in need of a good long charge.

I always feel so grateful to make it through winter, one of the toughest times of the year for my health. It feels like a huge victory if winter doesn’t completely bury and silence me. But then comes spring, supposedly the season of new life and growth and color, but the skies are still cloudy and gray and the sun is nowhere in sight. The gratefulness I feel for winter not demolishing me, is met with a despair that spring just might. Even now I sit in front of my computer and my “Happy Light”, attempting to show up and do things I know are good for me, even when I don’t feel well. 

Let me tell you about another power at work in me. Jesus. He is alive in me, and I take great comfort in the fact that he does not change like my health or the seasons. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever.

So in each new season, sunny with bright colors, or dark and gray, he never changes. When I feel good and when I am in pain, he remains the same. He is my real life.

Living with depression may feel like it limits me greatly, but it never limits him. Let me tell you how I get out of bed, Jesus. Let me tell you how I make it through the day, Jesus. Let me tell you what gives me hope, Jesus. His name alone is powerful. So I speak it often. I didn’t always know I could do this. I loved Jesus, I believed in him, but I thought my illness was my problem, something I caused, and therefore I needed to deal with it myself. But I found that I couldn’t, even as hard as I tried.

When I was first diagnosed with a mental illness at the age of 22, God spoke through a message I heard, that felt like it was directed right at me. The scripture was from 2 Corinthians 12:9-10,

“But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

Also from James 4:6,

“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”

It was like God was saying to me, you don’t have to hide this from anyone, I will use it for my glory. And as I was opening up and sharing my story, God was blessing me and providing everything I needed. From counselors and doctors, to medications and therapy, to family and friends. Did he take away my illness, no. Did he give me the grace I needed, yes.

And he has been giving me the grace that I need everyday since. Hear me, I don’t always readily receive this grace. Sometimes I fight it, not wanting to need to need it. But in all my fighting I always find myself surrendering in the end. Grace wins. 

It was early spring four years ago that I was feeling similar to how I am feeling today. My husband was leading worship at a friend’s church and I was standing and singing. I was overcome with an impression, and sat down to write it in my notebook. I wrote,

You are making a way for many to come to you.

And then I heard these words,

In the community proclaim my name, proclaim the Kingdom of God is here, proclaim my LOVE for ALL people, proclaim my FREEDOM.

[I saw a picture of the old Van Lierop Farm and Warehouse]

You are about to witness a harvest like you’ve never seen before.

I am calling my sons and daughters home to me. 

You are helping to clear the path for many to come home to me.

This is the work I am doing.

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In a place that I was feeling so dead, God was speaking words of life, words of hope. These words brought me encouragement and energized my spirit. I didn’t know what it all meant but I cherished these words in my heart and began to pray into them. 

There have been times since I heard these words, that I have felt led to go pray over this farm land property. 

During this past year of covid, God has continually been bringing this word to mind. It feels closer than it ever has before. I believe God is calling his sons and daughters home to abide in his love and rest in his care.

“Are you weary, carrying a heavy burden? Come to me. I will refresh your life, for I am your oasis. Simply join your life with mine. Learn my ways and you’ll discover that I am gentle, humble, easy to please. You will find refreshment and rest in me. For all that I require of you will be pleasant and easy to bear.” Matthew 11:28-30 TPT

“Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it abides in the vine, neither can you, unless you abide in me.” John 15:4 

“As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love.” John 15:9

I am continually learning what it means to abide and rest in Jesus. To stay with my real life and experience the grace and power he provides each day to meet my every need.

Abiding in him does not mean we will be free of illness, grief, or pain. It does mean his grace is enough to meet us in that place and provide what we need. 

Often what I need is a reminder that he is with me, that I am loved, and that he is enough for everything I am facing.

God is our Father, and a very gentle and patient teacher. For all the times I have resisted him, he has never left my side.

Is anyone else out there struggling? Does anyone feel at the end of their rope? You are not alone. God wants to meet you there and provide exactly what you need. It is simply turning to Jesus and saying help, I need you.

Hope is on the horizon, and hope is alive in us.