Amy McVay I sat in the Starbucks parking lot having an entire conversation with myself inside my head. “I can’t do this.” “How do I do this?” “I’ve never done this before.” “What if I see someone I know and they ask me what I’m doing here?”
I have come here to write. My backpack sits beside me in the passenger seat, with my laptop, notebook and pen, ready to go. I accepted the invitation, and said I would be here. But the person who invited me is nowhere in sight, and I am scared to get out of the car.
Even though I was invited, I am really struggling with feelings like I don’t belong. I watch as people go in and out, coffee in hand, nicely dressed. I sit here in my t-shirt and sweatpants with a hat on my head. I don’t look like everyone else, therefore I feel like I don’t belong.
But then I am reminded why I am here and who I am here for. And interrupting the dialog in my head, the person who invited me says, “Own it, and get out of the car.” Own all of it. The fear, insecurity, being the new girl, trying something new, the unknowns, even the t-shirt and sweats and hat on your head. This is who you are, this is where you are, and you don’t have to be anything else. I invited you here, you belong to me.
I grab my backpack and get out of the car.
The truth is I want to tell you my story of how God has been with me while living with mental illness. But man. Could I choose a different topic teacher? This isn’t the easiest thing to show up and write about. But here I am. I’m willing.
What do you need to own in your life?
I’m praying for you friend.
<3 amy
