Amy McVay Life, Life, and More Life…
Those were the words I wrote in my journal as I sat alone in silence. I had walked outside to the back patio and pulled up a chair to our small round table. It was a warm June morning, and I was still in my pajamas with my cup of coffee in hand. It was just 3 days after we lost our third baby, and I was forcing myself to be upright.
*If you haven’t had a chance to read my last post The Rhythm of Remembrance, you can find that here.
It felt like all the life had drained out of my body, and I was barely alive, barely breathing. And as I sat there, hearing those words of life from the Father was like CPR for my wounded body and soul. In that moment I wept, only He could speak to the depths of my heart like that. It would still take time for the open wound to heal, but His words were like a soothing balm that went to work to resuscitate life.
It was the first time I really sat with God and grieved like that. Telling him how I felt and waiting and listening. I wrote down what I sensed I was hearing in my spirit. To this day those words are still speaking, still breathing life.
It’s been over 3 ½ years since that day, and one step at a time God has been moving me forward by His grace. I could not have imagined in my grief that a year from then I would be expecting again. A baby boy. Who I had prayed for and believed in for 15 years. I was rock bottom in depression at the time. That’s not the way I imagined it would be. But God knew exactly what He was doing. He was about to bring a whole lot of LIFE out of what appeared dead, as I surrendered to His ways.
